Remembering our Angel

   Right after Thomas was buried, we knew we wanted to build a memorial garden for our angel. We received many touching donations from our friends and family. So this spring, my husband through himself into designing a beautiful garden with bushes, flowers, and decorated stones with touching sayings on them. It really helped with his grieving. He felt like he was doing something constructive for his son. We also found this awesome angel statue, and placed it in the middle of the garden. Now everyone that drives along the side of our house can see the strong and never-ending love we have for our little boy. We also planted two more trees in our backyard for Thomas. My husband calls this "phase I". We plan on adding more to the backyard, including a memorial bench and fountain. I told my husband, we better not plan on moving out of this house anytime soon!

   We also both got tattoos to remember our son. My husband got one of his name, Thomas Noah, with a cross and his "angel" date, 4-12-11, on his left arm. Before we lost Thomas, I always swore I would have never gotten a tattoo. As a nurse, I was scared the tattoo artist would not keep everything "sterile", and was also afraid of how much it would hurt. But after I saw how much my husband loved his, I knew I needed one too. So I got an actual copy of his exact footprint and initials on my right ankle. I love his little feet - his second toe is longer than his big toe, just like his daddy's feet. Now we both feel like our little angel is always with us.

   I also turned our bookshelf in our living room into a memorial. We display all of his things we have to remember him by; including his hand and footprints, stuffed animals he layed with, a baptismal bib engraved with his name, a necklace and bracelet given to us by our nurses, our favorite pictures, a certificate of the star named after him, his baby album, his turtle souvenirs from Florida, and all of the touching cards we received from our family and friends. Next to the bookshelf we have one of the plants that was given to us at his funeral. It is a great way to "show off" our son to everyone that comes to our home. We are just so proud of our firstborn baby, and want him to know as he looks down on us from heaven everyday :)

Our Getaway Trip

   Five weeks after we lost Thomas, my husband and I took a getaway trip to Destin, Fl. Since we had been there before, we knew what a beautiful and relaxing place it was. We just felt the need to get out of Missouri, see the ocean and walk on the sand. So we drove the 11 hours down to Destin from St. Louis. I was afraid it was going to be a miserable drive, since we left the day of his due date, and we were both so depressed. But it was actually very therapeutic. We opened up to each other on that long drive like we never had before. Sometimes we talked about Thomas, and other times we didn't. We learned so about each other. I truly believe that tragedy either makes or breaks a relationship. I have heard that couples who have experienced a loss of a child, have a 80% divorce rate. But we don't think we fit into that category. We have never been closer. My husband is the ONLY person on this earth who knows exactly how I feel. And we have never loved or appreciated each other more than we do now.

   While in Destin, we felt so close to our son. I think since his nursery was decorated in a nautical/ship theme, seeing all of the boats at the harbor and in the ocean had a special meaning to us. I know Thomas would have loved to see all of those ships! Turtles also have a special meaning as well. Thomas's baby swing and pack n' play were decorated with turtles. He was also buried with a turtle stuffed animal and tiny turtle ring that his daddy had when he was a kid. So throughout the trip, we collected tons of turtle souvenirs! We also wrote his name in the sand, along with all of the angel babies of the parents in our monthly support group we attend. We just felt the need to honor Thomas and all of his friends in heaven. We printed out pictures and gave them to our angel mommies and daddies the following week after we returned.

   I will cherish that trip forever. Connecting with my husband again after the pain we have endured means the world to me. And we are counting down the weeks until we go back this fall:)